Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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