This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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