Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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