I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
