I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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