Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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