I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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