babies were throwing up all over the place
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
