it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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