Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
