So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
