that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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