How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize