we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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