im having a threesome with these popsicles
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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