Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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