i just wanna soil my oats bro
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
