There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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