I look better un-naked...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
