walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
