I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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