you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
