I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
