well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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