If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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