so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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