She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
