matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
