She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
