i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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