hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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