Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
