9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We just shotgunned beers for America
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
