so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
