New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
