Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
