She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I touched a dick in church today
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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