Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
