"it" just moved
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
