Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I want her autograph on my taint
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
