I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
