She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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