i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
