there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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