I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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