its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
