I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
