I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
