I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
