Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
